Wednesday, 9 October 2013

TUNES FROM THE TOILET VOL. 1 [V/A]

 
Band: URUK HAI
Title: Tunes From The Toilet, Vol. 1 [Various Artists]
Format: 7" black vinyl single wrapped in coloured paper sleeve, released on 29 March 2013 on the Continuum label (America), cat ref Continuum25, compiling electro/noise/experimental works from 55 bands!
Edition: 500 unnumbered copies

Track Listing:
A Side 
01. Wet Dream Asphyxiation – You Suffer    
02. Cryptic Yeast – Cougar In A Kiss Shirt    
03. Time For War! – Die With Me    
04. Ginger Cortes – Alguien Moda    
05. Waves Crashing Piano Chords – Homegrown    
06. Divine Shell – Floating Coffin    
07. Controlled By Fear – Beast Of Nazareth    
08. Conure – 14 Seconds Of Heaven    
09. Aterpe – Ez Zan Hil    
10. Decayed Race – Oppressed    
11. Beard Without A Mustache – Boot Licker    
12. Sunken Cheek – Indefinite    
13. Demonologists – Slobberjack    
14. Sketchy Foocker – Hard Candy    
15. Rectal Necrosis – Black Balloon    
16. Pusdrainer – Life Beneath    
17. Ronald Ray Gun – Banana Peels    
18. Hate Junkie – Empty Pleasures Of Sundered Flesh    
19. Sissy Spacek – Sentences    
20. Praying For Oblivion – The New Silence    
21. The Invisible Sundial – Please Stop Hurting My Feelings    
22. The Karmakumulator – Lysozyme Expansion    
23. To Die – 15 Seconds Of Hate    
24. Inappropriate King Live – Lost Noise Wall    
25. Sordo – Good Guys Go To Hell    
26. Bloater – Personality Collapse    
27. () – Powerelectronicviolencecore    

B Side
28. Glasgow Smile – Data Loss    
29. Tinnitustimulus – Popcorn Zoo    
30. Water Torture – Life Is Pain    
31. Cancer Scanner – Chemical Imbalance    
32. Foot and Mouth Disease – Eating Worms At The Fish Market    
33. J.O.B. Squad – The Whole Foockin Show    
34. Justin Marc Lloyd – Rechargeable Circuit Bowl    
35. Cheesecats – Hairball Remedy    
36. Rosy Palms – Flesh Totem    
37. Bmwr – I Sent Your Severed Cock To Americas Funniest Home Videos Pt 2    
38. Swallowing Bile – When Doves Cry    
39. Mister Potato Head Is A Tranny – Peter Stuck In Sex Face    
40. Orange Annihilator – Crustacean Excavation    
41. Suckghey Ss – Tokyo Throwback Sizzle Fry    
42. Rovar17 – Muerto    
43. Megwaas – Nascar Is The Fast Car    
44. Deceiver – In The Shadow    
45. Stdfn – Crapture    
46. ZZ – 0.553882    
47. Drén – Zablesk Radosti    
48. Cocaine Breath – Politicians Taste Like Dirt    
49. Young Skitts – Ace Hood Realest Livin Remix    
50. Instagon – A Glimpse Ov Thee Dark Invokation    
51. Tuurd –  Untitled    
52. Moon Chao – Laughing Monkey Hidden Chao    
53. Bert – Zwiernik    
54. Mind Transferral – Blasphemurderapevolution    
55. Uruk-Hai – Orc Tears  

Here we have one hell of a curve-ball: take one old-school 7" vinyl disc format, throw at it more sleazy, scuzzy, fetid and depraved bands than you can shake a stick at and release it through an underground American label on to an unsuspecting population.  For those unfortunate souls subjected to its micro-song torture tactics, it has a similarly profound effect on your well-being as would an unexpected detonation of TNT in your underpants.  Add to its frenzied mix a hitherto unknown Uruk Hai song, and confusion is sure to follow!

One look at the band names and song titles that populate this strange little release will pretty much tell you what you're in for: it's similar to past Smell The Stench net-release compilations for amusing band names and even more amusing noises.  Whether you would ever play it more than once, and whether it is truly possible to thoroughly enjoy from beginning to end, are questions for someone with more psychological qualifications than Uncle Nazgul possesses.  More depraved than a night out with Odium's Phil Knight and a motley gang of Welsh sheep, it's a pretty hard  release to describe or survive, and quite why Continuum thought anybody was in great need of such a bloody racket is anybody's guess.

And yet ... buried right at the end of this putrescent pile is a 15 second Uruk Hai song.  Yes, you did read that correctly: a 15 second long Uruk Hai track!  Known for expansive epics that sprawl over whole album sides, something this hilariously short is - to say the least - unexpected.  One might have pictured Hugin submitting a Bonemachine song to this sort of shindig - a ultra-violent burst of static, perhaps - or even something from WACH, but to find the Uruk Hai name associated with such a project is all a bit strange.  The 'song' is also nothing like you might expect, as it's essentially an extended guitar riff rather than anything keyboard based, which you might anticipate.

Andy Warhol famously said that everyone would have 15 minutes of fame, but 15 seconds would strain the ability of even the most media-savvy to make an impact.  One interesting thing that could occur in as little as 15 seconds, however, is the loss of consciousness caused by stepping into outer space without the protective benefits of a space suit, swiftly followed within a further 45 seconds or so by insufficient air pressure to keep your blood and body fluids in a liquid state, causing them to lose heat energy rapidly and to be frozen before they evaporated completely.  I mention this only because it would be almost preferable to experience that gruesome fate than to listen to this record for a second time!

The emergence from the primordial ooze of this strange little 7" release came out of the blue to Nazgul and Hugin alike: whilst Hugin recalled sending off the track to Continuum, the label seem to have pursued an 'independently spirited' approach to releasing the disc (read: not telling the artist they'd done it!) and it was only by chance that Hugin came across the thing online that he was even aware that something had actually come out.  Yet another example of a record label getting a bit ahead of themselves, and depriving at least one artist of their rightful copies or credit!

[Edit 30/10/13]: Hugin tells Nazgul that all is now well with communications with the label over this release, so well done Continuum and nothing further to report on that front!

There's not a hell of a lot even Nazgul can eke out of a 15 second flurry on the guitar to report intelligently, and as your poor decrepit Ring-Wraith is currently suffering from cold and fever the strength and willpower to tell you anything about the remaining 54 bands is sorely lacking.  Ultimately, with 500 copies available in this pressing, it's a curiosity of an item that many fans of Uruk Hai might be glad to pass over.  But then again, your next favourite band could just turn out to be Tuurd or the impressively named Mister Potato Head Is A Tranny, so far be it from Nazgul to warn you off this piece of warped plastic.  The clue is in the title, however...

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